Making Long Distance Relationships Work

Being in any relationship is not easy, and if that relationship is a long distance one, it makes things that much more difficult. Making any relationship last requires trust, but if that relationship is a long distance one it requires much more that just trust. It requires trust, communication, some degree of commitment and rules! A perfect blend of these will really give the relationship a strong solid base. If these things are lacking in a long distance relationship, then it is possible that the relationship will end sooner or later.

Most experts will tell you that long distance relationships do not work and that they end in less than six months if there are no rules and if there is no communication and trust. However, they can work. It may be difficult and there may be times you may want to give up, but if you are strong and hold on, it can last forever.

There are some tips that you can follow to help your long distance relationship work.

1. Rules – It was found through a study conducted on couples that had been in a long distance relationship, that almost 70% of the couples ended their relationship because they hadn’t set any ground rules for the relationship. This only proves that couples in a long distance relationship need to have some rules for their relationship to grow and succeed. These rules could include not dating others, or it could be talking to each other daily or meeting once a month if the distance is not too great. Whatever rules you decide to lay down, make sure they are compatible with both your wants and needs. It shouldn’t be that one person makes all the compromise and the other benefits. These rules have to have mutual consent.
2. Communicate – Communication is important in every single aspect of life, be it work relationships, or personal relationships. To make a long distance relationship really work, you need to communicate. And communication in this day and age is not difficult at all. You can use the biggest technological wonder, the Internet and speak to your partner. You can use instant messaging services, or email, and there is always the option of calling up the person and speaking over the phone with free services like Skype and Jaxtr. This way you can also save money and use it to make a trip to see your partner personally.
3. Be Expressive – Long distance relationships are difficult, as there is no physical intimacy to be expressive and this can take a toll on the relationship. Couples in long distance relationships need to be more verbally expressive to each other as this is the only way in which they communicate and they can make their relationship more solid. This could be through instant messaging, email, chatting or phone calls. By being expressive you are reassuring your partner that you care. By being expressive you are also telling the person that the relationship matters and you are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.
4. Gifts to show you care – Every month you could send your partner a care package as a gift. These care packages are several small gifts that are personal, that you put in one package. These care packages could include books, music, puzzles, cards, phone cards, video messages, sweets and chocolates like Hershey’s kisses and Hershey’s hearts, soft toys, all types of flowers, real, preserved or pressed, jewelry, bubble bath, poems, bottled messages and other such personalized items that you think your partner will enjoy and appreciate. These care packages are just another way to show your partner that you are thinking and care about him or her. If you are sending a book, write a poem or inscribe it with words of love. If its music you are sending, then include a letter that talks about why and which song is making you think of him or her.
5. Plan date nights – Even though you and your partner are in different cities you can still have ‘dates’. These date nights could be once a week or on weekends, where you could plan to sit and watch a favorite show together or watch a movie together, and if you do not share a passion for television then you can opt to read a book together and discuss it on the phone. Or better yet you can play a game over the telephone, like scrabble or chess. You will need to plan ahead because you may have different time zones and may be one of you may need to stay up late at night; it is worth it. Even though you are in separate places, you are doing the same thing and this makes you connect better with your partner.
6. Do not assume – Never assume anything in a relationship. Always communicate. If you think your partner can understand your feelings, you assume wrong. Be communicative and tell the person if something is bothering you or how the relationship is going. It can save a lot of heartache and pain later. If your partner has assumed that you are at a particular stage in a relationship but you do not feel the same way, it brings about a lot of awkwardness and hurt. Just save the pain and hurt and talk about it, discuss it. Remember the key to a long distance relationship is communication.
7. Trust – Trust is very important in every relationship. But if you are in a long distance relationship, sitting miles away from each other, trust becomes the base of your relationship. If you want to make your relationship work, then you have to trust your partner. It is so easy for suspicion to come in the way and take over the trust; this will only ruin the relationship. It is harder for women who have been in a difficult relationship to trust easily, and if there is emotional baggage then the relationship is going to be a rocky one. Women in long distance relationships really need to work at their insecurities and get over their trust issues if they want any relationship to work.
8. Plan to meet – It is important in a long distance relationship that you plan your meetings well in advance. This gives the couple something to look forward to. It also helps in taking the relationship forward. It is more important in a long distance relationship that you do not cancel these meetings especially for reasons like visiting friends or a game. This gives the impression that you do not care about the relationship and this can be fatal for the relationship. If you have made a commitment to your partner about the meeting, then make sure that you do. Do not let anything get in the way, unless it is really an emergency.
9. Get more personal – One would think that if someone is in a long distance relationship, they would not be able to connect with a person. But this is not true. Infact people in long distance relationships connect with their partners more, they get to know their likes, dislike, preferences and passions better than those who are physically together. This is because the couple works hard at communication and takes the trouble to get to know each other and make up for lost time together by talking. Just because a couple is in a long distance relationship, does not mean that they cannot share passions. If one person likes chess, the other can learn how to play chess and they can enjoy this together. These small things really keep long distance relationships alive.
10. Indulge in surprises – People love surprises, only the pleasant ones and not the unpleasant kind. Surprises are a great way to show affection and have fun at the same time. As you are planning the surprise, you get so involved in it that you have so much fun and the look on your partner’s face when the surprise is delivered, or the phone call you get after the surprise is worth everything that went into it. There are so many ways in which you can surprise your partner. You can plan a surprise trip to see your partner, you can send a video message and you can even write a message in the classifieds of a newspaper. The surprise has to be something that your partner will really appreciate and will really be surprised with. A surprise adds fun to the relationship.

All a long distance relationship really needs to make it work is some time and effort. And sometimes compromises to keep it together. No one is saying it is going to be smooth sailing, but if you hold on tight your ship will anchor well.